10 Extremely Damaging Dating Mistakes Men Must Avoid

You might not have thought of some of these...

Please, for the love of god, stop making these rookie mistakes and pull up your trousers, grab your balls, and take some kind of control over the decisions YOU make and learn to date better. I say this with all the unbridled love in my heart for you cause I know you can change and be the badass mother fucker you’ve always been deep down.

I’m not mincing my words today; buckle up and focus.

Let’s GO!

1. Being he Hyper Agreeable Guy

Today, in the dating world where neediness is scorned, you may find yourself playing it cool, suppressing your true feelings for fear of being labeled “needy,” so instead, you just agree with everything she says. This façade can lead to misunderstandings and resentment, and you end up looking even more paper thin cause most women can see right past that shit. They know why you’re doing it. They know why you’re lips are super glued to her ass cheeks. The psychological term that they use for this is called “self-monitoring.” This is the tendency to adjust your behavior to fit different social situations.

Trying to be something you’re not in the dating world is like choreographing a dance for TikTok, obsessing over every move to appear effortlessly cool. But just as viewers can sense when a dance lacks any real passion and joy, a woman can feel when your actions are made just so you’ll agree with her so she’ll like you. Authenticity, not practiced perfection, leads to what you want. A poll, conducted by the dating app Bumble, found that 70% of women said they would be turned off by a man who was constantly trying to please them.

Knock it off.

Try this instead: As George Bernard Shaw said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” Embrace true vulnerability and voice your authentic and raw feelings — learn to walk with your head held high and optimism off the Richter scale that makes you a magnetic force to be reckoned with. Relationships flourish when both partners understand and respect each other’s needs. Your true partner will honor your standards, so don’t feel like you have to agree on everything.

2. Having Zero Standards and Dating A Woman Just Cause She’s “Hot.”

It’s a game of glitz and glamour, where beauty reigns supreme, and standards are cast aside. Cause you might look great with her on your arm. But the allure can be fleeting, leaving emptiness in its wake, especially when, deep down, she has the personality of a box of rocks.

According to a study by the Pew Research Center, 53% of single adults in the United States say that it is important for a potential partner to be physically attractive…but, but, but, the study also found that 63% of single adults say that it is equally important for a potential partner to be kind and compassionate.

Dating a woman just for her looks is like ordering a gourmet dessert only to find it’s filled with 10-year-old sawdust found in a moldy garage. At first glance, the dessert may be the most beautiful thing on the menu, but one bite and you realize the true flavor is something you wouldn’t share with your worst enemy, let alone digest. Yet, time and time again, men fail to really try and understand who she actually is.

Try this instead: Stop and ask yourself what you truly want. As Socrates taught us, “Know thyself.” Delve deeper than mere physical attraction and seek connections that nourish the soul. Align with your core values for a fulfilling relationship that lasts.

3. Illusion of ‘Chemistry’. Stop falling for it and thinking with your cock.

It’s the Hollywood script we’ve all been sold — love at first sight, the instant “spark.” But can a flame ignite in ignorance truly endure?

No, you silly twat. It’s all fantasy to get you to buy movie tickets. It’s not real life; I promise you this. I like a good romantic comedy like the next person, but I take it for what it is, and so should you.

HOLLYWOOD MAKING MONEY OFF OF SENTIMENT AND WHIMSY.

They’re selling ice to Eskimos, my friends. Hollywood has managed to sell us a concept of love that tricks you into buying into something that doesn’t match the real demands and delights of true human connection.

Try this instead: The spark may be a beginning, but it’s not the destination. As Carl Jung said, real connection takes time to manifest, nurtured by understanding, trust, and shared values. Romance is not a fleeting thrill but a fire that grows. It can’t grow if you think it’s instantly there. Take time to get to know her, and never rush into anything. There’s so much you don’t know. Patience is a virtue we testosterone-driven men must learn to acquire, master, and retain for our whole existence. Start today.

4. Look for basic dating competence before anything else.

We’ve all felt it — that intoxicating “chemistry” that seems to promise endless passion. But what lies beneath? Does she possess the skills to navigate hard conversations, finances, debt, job loss, death in the family, illness, strong disagreements, and real things that only happen when the camera of clout chasing social media superficiality is out of the picture?

Believing in that instant chemistry is like investing in a fireworks show for a lifelong celebration. It may be an incredibly spectacular show at the start, but what happens when the lights fade and the night settles in, and you have to drive through 45 minutes of traffic with everyone else leaving?

Try this instead: Feelings are vital, but do not overlook the essential competencies that build a strong relationship. Write down a list of what those are for you. Passion ignites the flame, but it’s the daily commitment to understanding, respect, and empathy that keeps the fire burning through the coldest nights.

5. Dating women who are completely different from you and trying to change them.

Take notes, Jonah Hill. You can’t change women. Please believe.

Support and encourage her to be an individual and embrace her personality that shines. It’s a romantic notion, this idea of loving someone to perfection. But can you truly change a woman?

Or is it a fool’s errand?

No, you fucking can’t.

Besides, most people suffer from a psychological term called “resistance to change.” Resistance to change is the tendency to resist any attempt to change. It’’s even worse when it directly attacks a woman's character.

In the same way, you wouldn’t let them change you. Instead of trying to change them, just date someone who is closer aligned to what you’re looking for — no change needed. Move on and find a woman who’s closely aligned with your ideologies. Attempting to mold someone into your ideal is like trying to hold water in your hands; the more you grasp, the more it slips away.

Try this instead: Acceptance is key. As James Baldwin said, “Love takes off the masks.” Embrace your partner for who they are, not who you wish them to be. Love is not a remodeling project. Living in those delusions sets you up for a failure that you don’t want to deal with. Trust me.

6. Dating women and trying to impress or get them to like you.

C’mon, man.

The dating stage can be a theatre where masks are worn, and roles are played, all in the desperate quest for approval. But at what cost? What’s the constant results of forcing someone to be attracted to you? How much does that cost your soul in the long run? At what point till they figure out who you really are and begin to detest you? Your mere breathing around them gives them the “ick”.

Wearing a mask in the dating game might be a tough act to follow, and when the curtain falls, will your true character get a standing ovation or be greeted with an audacious BOOOOOOOOOO?

Try this instead: Let Oscar Wilde’s words guide you: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Authenticity fosters genuine connection. Mutual respect and attraction should drive the relationship, not a frantic search for validation. It’s cringe, and women can sniff it out like a fox in a hen house.

7. Pursuing women who have clearly demonstrated and expressed they’re not looking for the same thing.

Fellas, why do we do this to ourselves!?

The pursuit of love can be intoxicating, exciting, and addictive, but chasing women who have expressed differing intentions will be a draining and fruitless endeavor that leaves you standing there with nothing but your dick in your hand. She most likely won’t change her feelings on subjects you two strongly disagree with. A scenario where she’s looking for and suddenly realizes she wants the exact same thing as you is highly unlikely. A leopard rarely changes their spots. I wish it were true. But that only happens in TV shows. Hoping she might one day want the same as you is like betting your life savings on a singing pig flying race. It’s a whimsical gamble, but the odds are, well, sky-high.

Try this instead: Respect their choices and paradigms, seek women who share your path and vision. Love is a mutual journey, not a solitary chase.

8. The friend zone doesn’t exist. Women are just not interested.

The “friend zone” — it’s become a cultural meme, a mythical place where romance goes to jump in a moldy coffin and die. But does it exist? Or is it an excuse?

It doesn’t exist.

I believe either she’s interested or she’s not. In most cases, you can’t “friend your way” into someone’s heart. This might work on sitcoms, but not IRL. For those women who’ll jump on the comments saying:

“I married my friend”. This is the exception and not the rule, besides how many men did you date whilst you knew him? I find that often when people date friends they’ve known for a while, they’re just settling. On a balance of probabilities, her taking you out of the friend zone will most likely not happen. 8–10 years ago, maybe. But times have dramatically changed. To the women who might disagree, they most likely enjoy male orbiters; they can take advantage of them for small tasks, being a shoulder to cry on and take from you while simultaneously giving very little friendship in return. Don’t believe me?

Fine.

Go be some woman’s hapless lap dog while she dates someone like me who doesn’t stick around for “friendship.” Trust me, I’ve literally been with women who show me text messages and Instagram DM’s from orbiters, and they laugh at them. “Either you’re interested or not, and if you’re not, I’ll find someone who is.” Accepting anything else is a humungous waste of time.

It’s a smokescreen.

Either there’s fire in her gaze, or it’s cold as winter’s embrace. Attempting to pave a bridge of romance from cobblestones of camaraderie is like trying to catch a shooting star in a butterfly net. It might play out in the rose-tinted lens of TV screens, but in real life, the script often takes a different turn. Psychologists call this term of being attracted to someone who is not available and puts you in the friend zone, “limerence.” Limerence is a state of intense romantic desire that is often characterized by obsession and unrealistic expectations.

Try this instead: Accept that interest, or the lack thereof, is not a puzzle to be solved. Seek connections where mutual attraction and respect thrive from the start. Not ones where you MUST be their friend for months on end until she deems you worthy or sexually attractive enough to give you a chance. You’re worth more.

9. Being a woman’s “savior” and doing random shit so that they’ll like you.

Playing the savior is a tempting role. But can you save someone who doesn’t want to be saved?

Modern women don’t want to be saved.

They’re human beings who simply want respect and to be adored by someone they love and to be loved back. It’s not that complicated. Focus on getting to know her and go into rescue mode when absolutely needed. But you have to figure that out for yourself. Women are not a monolith, so don’t lead with that. Offer a hand, not because you believe she can’t stand alone, but because true partnership is walking the path together.

Try this instead: Focus on self-respect, boundaries, and esteem. Love should be a partnership, not a rescue mission.

10. Being an unpaid therapist. As she talks about how other men have mistreated her.

Being supportive is noble, but becoming an unpaid therapist can lead to imbalance and discontent. The weight of another woman’s world should not bend your back but be shared shoulder to shoulder. It doesn’t have to be extreme either — listening is a gift, but the wisdom to know your limits ensures that both giver and receiver remain unburdened.

You’ve got to sharpen your ears and pay attention to how often she brings these things up. In addition to that, how supportive is she to you? Please trust me on this one; the middle ground between support and servitude is where healthy relationships flourish.

Try this instead: Listen and be supportive, but recognize your limits. If therapy is needed, guide them to professionals. Your relationship should be a shared experience, not a one-sided healing process.

So what does this all mean?

The road to love as a man is harder than it’s ever been; no one’s standing up for us but us. That’s why you must get your shit together and have some fucking self-esteem. Let wisdom be your guide, compassion your compass, and self-awareness your map. Embrace the joys and navigate the challenges with grace, integrity, and passion.

You’re worthy.

Remember the words of Rumi, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” You see, it’s not about the hand you’re dealt but how you play your cards. Self-esteem is the mirror that reflects not what we want but what we deserve because no matter what happens from here on out, please understand love is a two-way street; ensure your lane is free of self-constructed roadblocks.

Your Friend,

Trey Hamilton

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