I went in for the kiss on every first date.

The Kissing Dilemma - Should Men Wait or Take the Leap?

Yeah, I did.

Every first date, I went in for the first kiss.

But it wasn’t always like this.

I used to wait for the 3rd, 4th, and sometimes even 5th dates to kiss a girl. Why!? I was scared of being rejected.

Scared shitless, actually.

Until one day, I thought to myself, what if I just tried to do it on a first date?

So I did. The first time happened like this:

We were at a bookstore called Waterstones for all you Yanks; I believe you have Barnes and Noble.

We went there after a coffee. We were in a secluded part of the store on the 2nd floor and looked at her and said:

Me: Can I kiss you?

Her: Wow, I guess, why not!?

So we kissed. She laughed on the tube home about how bold it was, and no one had ever done that before. They usually went for it at the end of the date.

I can still see myself trembling to this day cause I was so nervous.

Going forward, that was my MO. If I liked her and always asked for a kiss. It did wonders for my confidence. Cause if they said no, it just meant they were not ready, they just didn’t like it too much, or they were not into me.

Or if they said yes, I already had such a quick indicator of interest on the first date.

When I sought clarity, I gained confidence; when I gained confidence, I embraced clarity.

At the time, I didn’t care if I got a no or yes. It was more about just having the balls to put it out there and deal with rejection and asses on the way home.

So what changed, and what were my results?

There is no hard and fast rule, but there are a few things to consider when it comes to the first date kiss.

First, respect her physical boundaries and comfort level. If you’re not sure whether or not the other person is interested in being kissed, exercise some patience and relax a little.

I would always ask if I knew we were both feeling a strong connection and had a good idea she might be interested in a kiss; you could try dropping subtle hints or flirting to gauge their interest. But tread carefully, my friend. Cause, in my experience, women don’t really give subtle signals anymore. They kind of just expect you to know.

If you’re waiting for subtlety, you’re already missing the message. Part of being “that” guy is paying attention from the very moment you message her to that moment when you know it is the right opportunity to kiss. The secret to being ‘that’ guy isn’t grand gestures — it’s mastering the art of noticing the little ones because knowing when to act isn’t luck; it’s the reward of watching closely and moving with purpose.

Isn’t this all a little risky!?

There are many conflicting opinions on whether or not it is appropriate to kiss on the first date. Some people believe that kissing on the first date means that you are not looking for anything serious, while others believe that not kissing on the first date means that you are not interested.

These opinions are exactly why I say there are no rules, and you have to do what you feel is right (with consent, of course). Whether people will be honest or not, it will be up to the man to ensure a first kiss happens, or it might never come. I can count on one hand how many women have initiated the first kiss. Yes, and please spare me the “outlier-women” who apparently initiate all the first-date kisses. We’re speaking in generalities here. Men apparently want things to change.

It turns out that the majority of single men (95%) actually want women to initiate the first kiss and the first time they have sex (93%). And even more men (95%) are “pleased” if a woman asks for their phone number and makes that first phone call after the first date (94%). So why aren’t women making moves? Only a small percentage of single women initiate the first kiss (29%), initiate sex (23%), or ask a guy for their number (13%). But here’s the thing: a solid 59% of single men think feminism has changed the dating game for the better. They say dating is more enjoyable (54%), safer (55%), and easier (49%) when women take charge.

So, if you’re a woman who’s into a guy, go ahead and make the first move! It might just be a huge turn-on for him.

Some people believe that a light peck is appropriate, while others believe that a full makeout session is okay. There is no right or wrong answer, and ultimately, it depends on the preferences of the individuals involved; this can be easily found out if you actually try to get to know her.

A kiss, like trust, is built on knowing her intimate rhythm — guessing is for strangers; knowing is for men who pay attention. The right first kiss doesn’t follow the rules — it follows rapport; learn her before you lean in.

Some people like to kiss and have sex on the first date to test their physical chemistry, while others prefer to wait until they know the person better. Ultimately, the best approach is to follow your own desires and to communicate with your date about their preferences. But it does have to be pulled off with panache.

So how do you do it!?

The timing is key; it’s kinda like hitting the punchline in a joke — too soon, and it’s awkward; too late, and it falls flat.

To gauge whether the moment is right, pay attention to her body language and listen to your own instincts. Show interest in your date through strong eye contact, gentle touches, and compliments, and see if they reciprocate.

If you’re feeling a strong connection and both parties seem receptive, go in for a kiss. Choose a location that is private but not too secluded and is mindful of her boundaries. If in doubt, a simple conversation beforehand can help clear up any uncertainty. Ultimately, the goal of a first date is to get to know each other and have a good time, so as long as that is achieved, the rest will fall into place naturally.

A recent study by The Match Lab, a dating profile writing service based on psychology, examined whether or not people prefer to kiss on the first date. The study surveyed 200 single people from the United States on their opinions about kissing on a first date. The results showed that 15% thought the first date was the “ideal” time for a first kiss, while 45% preferred the second date and 26% preferred the third date. However, the majority of singles (68%) were open to kissing on the first date, with 80% open to it on the second date and 88% open to it on the third date. A lot of American singles consider the second date to be the ideal time for a first kiss, but most are still willing to kiss on the first date if it’s initiated.

That’s why I always go for it on a first date. Cause most do not expect it, it’s bold, polarizing, and sends a very clear message about where your feelings lay. Look, fellas, subtlety is for men who enjoy second-guessing themselves. Fortune may favor the bold, but at least rejection favors honesty.

The study also identified the biggest mistakes people make during a first kiss, with 28% ranking “using too much tongue” as the top mistake, followed by bad breath at 25% and “rushing in” at 23%. Despite these mistakes, only 9% of those surveyed said a bad first kiss would be a deal breaker, while the remaining 91% said it would not prevent them from going on another date with the person if they liked them otherwise.

Location.

If you’re in a loud and crowded venue, it may not be the best time for a kiss. On the other hand, if you’re in a more intimate and private setting, it could be a good opportunity to gauge the other person’s interest in a kiss.

Be aware of your own feelings and comfort level. If you’re not feeling a strong connection or aren’t comfortable with the idea of a kiss, it’s okay to hold off and wait for a better opportunity. On the other hand, if you’re feeling a strong connection and are ready for a kiss, it’s okay to go for it as long as the other person is on board.

You shouldn’t always wait till the end…

It’s too fucking obvious!

Some men prefer to wait until later dates to make the connection, while others enjoy the chemistry that is created at the beginning.

Build trust throughout and before the first date in order to show the other person that you care about them.

Leave her wanting more in order to secure a second date. It is essential to listen to your instincts and act accordingly when deciding if and when to kiss on a first date. Just make the first move when it feels right, not when it feels forced; a mans confidence grows from acting with purpose, not blind impulse.

Are They Really a Guarantee for a Second Date?

Trusting your instincts and going in for a kiss can creates a positive impression and shows that you are interested in further dating.

Making eye contact and lightly touching your date can create a flirtatious atmosphere without necessarily kissing. Regardless of whether you decide to kiss on the first date or not, treat the date with respect. If you are worried about your date not wanting to see you again, remember that there are always other women in the world and that finding love requires effort and trying.

If the first date ends without a kiss, it’s not necessarily a deal breaker.

It’s possible that the other person just wasn’t feeling it or wasn’t ready for a kiss. Alternatively, it could be a sign that there wasn’t a strong enough connection or that the timing wasn’t right. It’s possible she wasn’t ready to unlock that door, or maybe the key didn’t quite fit at that moment. But if she offers you a second date, it’s a signal the lock wasn’t broken — just not ready to turn. Either way, a man earns his strength by stepping up and asking because courage is the foundation of connection

So what will you do?

To kiss? Or not to kiss?

That is the question.

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Thanks for reading,

T.H.