Never Trust A Good Lil Church Girl
The Asymmetric Pussy Trap...
Contents
Introduction
The Dating Market is a Market
Point 1: Dating Inequality
Point 2: Asymmetric Information
Point 3: The Tragedy of the Commons
Solutions for Men
Dating is trash right now.
It kinda always has been tbh. But it's gotten much, much worse. It’s the drip that became a deluge almost overnight, and no one realized till it was too late.
If you’re an average-looking man, you probably get few dating opportunities. This is backed up by the fact that most men view themselves as 5.9 out of 10. I would imagine if you’re single, you get flaked on when trying to arrange a first date, and you probably find texting a dense and mundane exercise to try to get a woman’s attention. It’s like bringing a knife to a drone fight. Picture that.
The current dating system isn’t benefiting most men. We’re all chefs in a kitchen with infinite recipes but seemingly no results.
The problems and reasons why dating is trash are predictable, and I can explain it all by showing you something I learned in business school. I’ll be using the analogy in economics called market failure.
But what is market failure, and how does it relate to dating?
Market failure is an economic term applied to a situation where consumer demand does not equal the amount of a good or service supplied, and is, therefore, inefficient. Under some conditions, government intervention may be indicated in order to improve social welfare.
Unfortunately, there ain’t no government intervention to help a lack of genuine options in the dating pool. It’s sink or swim, and people are rarely offering life jackets.
For modern dating, the demand does not equal the quality of people that are actually available and ready to date with sincere, wholesome intentions. Genuine products are rare, yet everyone advertises themselves as a premium. This is what keeps throwing people off guard.
But why might this be?
The dating market, much like the business market, is guided by market forces. These forces should, in theory, lead to a fair and well-balanced system where everyone feels like they have a fair fighting chance in the dating market. To one day meet someone to enjoy life with and do wonderful things together! Currently, this ceases to be the case.
In fact, you could make a strong argument that it’s never been more unequal since the beginning of time.
There are three points of dating market failure that are prevalent across the dating ecosystem, and in this article, I’ll start with the first one.
Point 1 - Dating Inequality
I’ll start this by taking some stats from Tinder. Before you start getting vexed and rolling your eyes, just remember Tinder is the world’s largest online dating app, with over 75 million users. So, sample size is not an issue.
Additionally, studies show dating apps are now the number one way couples meet. Like it or not, it’s the future. I always say online dating is an accurate measure of information cause it’s not performative, it’s not disingenuous, and people are swiping based solely on them and not how they want to be perceived. People can swipe, like, and message whoever they want without fear of judgment or any kind of verbal persecution, so to me, it’s the most accurate data you can get right now.
For those of you who read a lot about dating, it will come as no surprise to you that The top 10% of men get 58% of the likes. Meanwhile, for the bottom 50% of men, they get just 4.3%.
4.3%!!! Brutal.
But what about the ladies?
10% of women get 45% of likes from men, which again shows a big inequality.
But the reason I’m focusing mainly on men is that the share of likes will always be less equal for men than for women.
For example, the bottom 50% of women have nearly twice the share. Then the bottom 50% of men, why might this be?
Women will always have their eyes focused on the top men. This would make far more sense as, typically, women are far more deliberate when it comes to choosing a suitable partner. The best goods are not on the lowest shelf.
You also have to take into consideration the ratio of men on these apps and that men swipe way more than women in general, you’ll find that even conventionally unattractive, women can accumulate a sizable number of matches in a short period of time. Why?
A lot of men just want to play a numbers game.
When it comes to sex, some men will literally sleep with any woman (within reason) so long as they can put their cock into a hole they’re good.
And that low ratio of men to women.
So the bottom line is on dating apps. There is only one group of people who will indefinitely have a matches screen that looks like this.
Point 2- Asymmetric information.
Let’s say you’re looking to buy a used car. You go online and find almost immediately what appears to be a very alluring deal. The car is only a few years old, has low miles, and is well under the market price. So you do the obvious thing and arrange to meet the seller and buy it. This is a deal you gotta grab!
You eventually buy the car, and you realize you’ve been scammed; for the next three months, everything was smooth. That is, until suddenly a bunch of problems start arising with the car. The gearbox had to be replaced, as did the clutch. You’ve got them both repaired straight away. At this point, since you’ve been frustrated twice, you made the wise decision to get an inspection from a car mechanic in order to prevent any more unforeseen damage.
The mechanic leaves you with shocking news. He says the mileage of the car is actually five times higher than what it reads on the odometer. You also find out it’s eight years older than what it says on the VIN Number. You’re pissed! How could you have been duped so badly!?
This is the problem of asymmetric information in the dating marketplace. The car seller knew information about the car that undermines your ability to make rational decisions as a buyer. Picture buying what you thought was a luxurious silk robe, only to find yourself draped in a polyester nightmare that’s as breathable as a shitty plastic bag.
You got finessed.
How does this principle also apply to the dating market?
You know exactly how.
You meet her at church, only for her to reveal 3 months later she was in a gangbang at a Lil Wayne concert (true story)
You meet a nice woman at a book club, only to find out that she has videos of herself circulating online cause you did a quick PimEyes search.
She seemed kind, feminine, and sweet at first, only to find she has 100s of shit posts about men and how much she hates them.
She seemed to be on the same page, only later you found out she idolizes the celebrities
You meet her on a hike, bonding over nature and “disconnecting from social media. Later, you realize she has three burner TikTok accounts where she posts softcore thirst traps under fake names for “privacy.”
She tells you she’s "working on herself" after a breakup. She’s fielding DMs from six backup guys, keeping three on rotation, and calling it "healing."
You match with her on Hinge her profile says she’s “done with the party phase.” A week later, you see her tagged in a club promoter’s story, passed out on a rented couch next to a bottle of Casamigos.
You think you’re dating a sweet girl from the suburbs who loves poetry and coffee shops. Then you find her Reddit post asking if it’s bad to have two sugar daddies at the same time, "as long as they’re in different states."
She tells you she values "traditional relationships."
What she means is she wants traditional male protection, but modern female freedom to do whatever she wants without accountability.
She says she’s “not like the other girls.” She’s wrong; she is, in fact, like every other girl.
Women do this a lot, they hide key pieces of information about themselves to look like a better option than they truly are, because they know that no matter what society or social media says, right is right, wrong is wrong. As we increase our capacity for being a disingenuous society asymmetric behviour only gets worse. It’s like slapping a fresh coat of paint on a crumbling house on the side of an eroding beach and calling it a mansion. Our ability to spot these charades becomes as reliable as a shady fortune teller with a broken crystal ball.
On the surface, the car analogy might sound a little condescending, much like comparing men to bears, right? ;)
Whether you like it or not, the dating market is a market just like any other. It is guided by the principles of supply and demand, and every single man and woman is seen as a buyer and seller. There’s no other way around it.
If you’re single and you have an abundance of options. There’s a deman and not enough supply. It’s not love or romance. It’s a market. Know your value, or sell yourself short. Each person is…
A seller (of their attention, affection, time, sex, commitment)
A buyer (of someone else’s attention, affection, time, etc.)
If you’re of value, scarce, and in demand, you set the terms. If you’re low-value or overly abundant, you’re bargaining from weakness.
If you’re single and have a handle on options, there’s reasonable demand.
If you’re single and have no options, there’s not a lot, if any, demand.
But much like with products and a marketplace. Marketing and rebranding is king.
Just look at these guys…
Robert Downey Jr. - From rehab punchline to genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist via Iron Man (2008)
Matthew McConaughey - Killed the shirtless rom-com persona, went full True Detective-level cerebral (Which by the way, is a fucking incredible show)
Brendan Fraser - Exiled by Hollywood after injuries and divorce, resurfaced in The Whale (2022) & Killers of the Flower Moon (2023)
People Lie ALL THE TIME.
This is why I rarely trust anyone. The biggest issue in today’s dating market is that there’s an incentive to sell yourself at a higher value than you actually are. People don’t market who they are, they market who they hope you’ll believe they are. This, admittedly, was a hard habit for me to break. But I did.
Just thinking about it, how many times have you heard these stories?
They lied about their age
They were married the whole time
I was catfished
The baby wasn’t mine
She had a waist trainer on
She looked completely different without make up
They didn’t match their profile pictures
They turned out to be a huge narcissist
Her body count was huge
She had an incurable STD
They’re not the person I thought I was dating
As the dating market gets harder, people are finding it increasingly difficult to get out of it. This involves lying to get closer to what you want! but we all know a house built on lies will most assuredly crumble in the storm. Never forget that integrity is the cornerstone of a life well-lived; lose it, and all else crumbles.
Dating market failure at its core encourages people to deceive the person they’re dating. If they want to increase their chances of it working out, honest people are the losers, and liars are the winners. People have mastered the art of lying to get what they want. Modern dating has become an insidious den of deceit, truth becomes the enemy, and deception the warm ally. It’s kinda of nuts; sincerity is not seen as a liability, and cunning is power.
Dating apps have put asymmetrical dating in warp speed, dramatically increasing due to its high levels of anonymity. Nowadays, a person you meet from a dating app can make up whatever lies about themselves they want. When I was single, I found dating apps to be a pretentious stuck place full of women trying to show me how “hot they were” and how much they travel. I got them on the phone ASAP for a real conversation, and their online banter could never match how they communicated on the phone, cause it’s easy to posture behind a screen.
This circle is vicious, and there doesn’t really seem to be an end in sight. Deception fuels cynicism, and cynicism fuels deception.
Lying to Get Sex.
I never understood how men could get fulfillment from lying to get sex from women. To be honest, I’d usually just say, “Yeah I’m kinda just looking to hook up right now”. The sad thing is, I have a 30/70 split on who took me up on the offer. How could I be disgusted with what I was being offered? The easier it was, the more I stopped doing it.
Weird right?
The only reason most men get what they want is by being misleading; there should be no internal validation to gain from this experience because the woman was only willing to hook up because she was anticipating something long-term, you fucking dummy. These are the same cock wombles online claiming to be alpha males? Get the fuck outta here. That’s as smart as using a trash back for a condom because the wrapper looked biodegradable.
Fellas, there is a world where you can be honest, and she she wants something casual, too. Stop lying.
Point 3 - Tragedy of the Commons
You can hang signs.
You can pass laws.
You can preach sermons about protecting the lake.
But there’s always someone who shows up with a bigger bucket. That’s how things fall apart not because people don’t know better, but because someone decides to take more anyway and bets you won’t stop them. They’re usually right.
That’s human nature.
The lake never runs dry in a single day. It dies quietly, while everyone swears they’re one of the good ones, all the while sneaking one more sip, one more scoop, one more swipe. The,n when the water’s gone, they’ll all stand around and swear they loved it.
So what ends up happening is 10% of the people turn a completely blind eye to the lake’s preservation. Humans are doing what humans do best and grabbing as much water as their greedy little bellies can muster.
They decide to grow massive green lawns, wash their vehicles daily, and install fountains, which are all very water-intensive. And in the short term, this 10% of the population is very happy, but unfortunately, this was never sustainable, and slowly but surely, the lake dried up, and the 10% ended up ruining it for everybody.
This is called “the tragedy of the commons,” and the exact same issue happens in overfishing over deforestation, and over-mining, all for the same reasons.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
This is a large portion of what’s happening today in current dating markets.
This is what modern dating has become.
Same playbook. Different battlefield.
Everyone complains about how fake and shallow modern dating is. But behind the scenes? Most people are quietly contributing to the collapse. They ghost, flex, posture, and lie because they think, “If I don’t game the system, someone else will.”
That mindset is poison. Essentially ,people are burning down their own house because they’re scared the neighbor might do it first
And when the trust is gone, when nobody believes in love anymore, they’ll all act surprised. Even though they each helped drain the lake.
Think of the lake example again, but swap out the lake for the dating pool of women and the town for the pool of humans. Now think of the 10% of men who use up the water as the top 10% of people in the dating pool. Remember, the dating market is extremely unequal.
According to a study by OKCupid, women rate 80% of men as below average in attractiveness. This means that a small percentage of men are getting a disproportionate amount of attention from women on dating platforms. A 2020 study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychological Science found that online dating tends to maximize inequality in the dating market, with the top percentile of men and women receiving the majority of the attention and messages. Where does this leave the rest of us?
So when the top 10% - 20% of men have abundance and can date multiple women at the same time, it means other men are not only left out, they’re not even considered and they end up suffering the most. It might be a tough pill to swallow for a lot of you. But the dating market for a decent size of men is a zero-sum game; I mean, 90% is who’s left outside of the top 10, and that’s a whole lot of fellas.
For example, if I date a woman and take her off the dating market, that’s one less woman you could now potentially date. It's not too much of an issue, right? Especially if there are equal numbers of men and women, eventually everyone will have a partner, but the problem arises and has been boiling up since the explosion of online dating.
This is when a small minority of guys date 3-5 women at the same time, leaving the other men left out. So instead of me dating one woman, imagine me dating 4 all at the same time and just seeing them on different days of the week. Imagine if it’s not just me who’s doing that and other men. How does this affect the dating ecosystem?
It’s kinda like the Pareto Principle, also known as the 80/20 rule, which states that 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes. For men dating , this translates to a small percentage of men (the top 10–20%) attracting a majority of potential partners. This 10–20% of men have the most impact in the dating universe.
When you hear or see a woman complaining about a man who did her dirty, smashed, and then blocked her number. 9/10. It’s one of those top 10% guys. Not some painfully average bloke.
Over 2000 years ago, the rulers and religious leaders realized how this setup was unsustainable. So to counteract this, they introduced the laws of monogamy, which created a one-to-one balance for men and women, making sure people weren’t left out.
In the past ten years alone, we’ve seen a complete dismantling of these values. And once again, we’re in a situation where a few people at the top are dominating the dating markets and the people at the bottom are being ostracized that’s why a lot of people are simply just giving up.
So what can you do as a man? - The Solution
Diversify Your Dating Portfolio
Like an investment banker, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Use multiple dating platforms (3–4) and attend social events to increase your chances of meeting compatible partners; much like multiple sources of income, multiple sources of meeting women are just as good. My best dating experiences came when I met women IRL through events, dating apps, and day-to-day activities. Combine all of those, and the dates will flow.
Focus on Quality, Not Quantity
Instead of trying to date as many women as possible, focus on building meaningful connections with a few women. This will lead to more fulfilling and long-lasting relationships. This means you must get better at identifying what a good partner is for you.
How can you avoid Aysmetrical Women?
Step 1 - Prioritize Authenticity and Self-Awareness
Engage in self-reflection and self-awareness practices to understand your true intentions and values. According to Carl Rogers’ theory of self-concept, individuals who have a strong sense of self are less likely to engage in deceptive behaviors because they have a congruent understanding of their ideal self and actual self. Boom! This could be you.
“To thine own self be true.” — William Shakespeare
Action — Practice mindfulness and journaling to clarify your intentions and values. When you know who you are and what you want, you’re less likely to mislead others and more likely to attract genuine connections.
Step 2 - Foster Open and Honest Communication
Encourage open and honest communication from the start. Studies in relationship psychology, such as John Gottman’s research, show that successful relationships are built on a foundation of trust and open dialogue.
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” — George Bernard Shaw
Action - Initiate conversations about expectations and intentions early on. Don’t be a chicken shit. Get it done. By being transparent about your goals and encouraging them to do the same, you can build a relationship based on mutual understanding and respect.
Step 3 - Develop Emotional Intelligence
Enhance your emotional intelligence to better understand and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman’s theory of emotional intelligence emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills in maintaining healthy relationships.
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” — Aristotle
Action — Practice active listening and empathy. By understanding their feelings and perspectives, you can create a deeper emotional connection and avoid misunderstandings and deceit.
I hope this helps!