The Fantasy is Feminist, The Fallout is Female Loneliness

Women are either going to have to settle or lower their standards.

Or just throw up their hands and not date. Well, I guess they already copped out cause a lot of them “refuse to settle.”

Cause the guy you all want literally doesn’t exist. And if he does, you can’t all date him. After all, there is that AWDTSG group. So you’re kinda damned if you share him and dammed if you don’t. It’s not “settling,” ladies, it’s strategic dating in an economy where emotionally mature, financially stable, gym-going men are the new Bitcoin.

So you might have to settle.

I legit don’t don’t type this to be a dickhead; I’m actually trying to help. But I’m a dickhead in general so take with that what you will.

True fulfillment comes from appreciating the virtues of the present, not in chasing an ideal. I wish more women knew that.

In fact, I spent four hours researching this to understand why and whether it is true. Lowering expectations is not defeat; it is a triumph of wisdom over fantasy.

By now, most of us have heard the…

🛍️ The Man Store Fable

A woman hears about a magical "Man Store" with six floors. The higher you go, the better the men, but there’s a catch, once you move up a floor, you can’t go back down.

• 1st Floor "These men have jobs."
  She thinks, “That’s good… but I want more.” She moves up.

• 2nd Floor "These men have jobs and love kids."
  Nice! But she wants even more. Up she goes.

• 3rd Floor "These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good-looking."
  Tempting… but still not enough.

• 4th Floor "These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, and help with housework."
  She’s impressed, but maybe there’s something even better.

• 5th Floor "These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak." She’s practically swooning. But what if the sixth floor is where the dream men are?

• 6th Floor. The sign reads…

“You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men here. This floor exists solely to prove that some women are impossible to please.”

Ladies, I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this. Perfection is a fantasy. And the higher the standards climb, the thinner the air gets.

Will a large majority of women end up settling and not getting the guy they dreamed about?

Yes.

Let me explain.

Finding Mr. Perfect is and will always be a zero-sum game.

Now, yes, this is a mass generalization, and later on, I’ll correct that, but let’s go by a large majority of modern dating standards right now. Most women want a man standing tall at 6 feet, earning a solid $100,000 a year, hitting the gym five days a week, maintaining close ties with friends and family, well-traveled, intelligent, college-educated, in his early 30s, child-free, never married, having done some kind of therapy, a feminist, a liberal voter, seeking an equal partner, and owning his own house and car. Of course, there are women who will vastly deviate from that, but on the balance of probabilities, this is a lot of women’s perfect man.

Sounds like a dream, right?

But how likely are most women to find a bloke like this in the vast dating pool of America? Or will it be like trying to find a lifeguard in the Sahara desert?

Let’s break it down.

6 Feet and Up or nothing else!

First, let’s tackle the height requirement cause if there’s one thing we men hear about a lot, it’s that women want a man who is 6 feet and above or at least taller than them. Only about 14.5% of men in the U.S. reach the 6-foot mark or taller (U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2018). So that alone limits you to a HUGE portion of men, and you’re essentially ignoring 85.5% of the US male population. It’s like fishing in a puddle when there’s an ocean next door. That’s fucking nuts to me.

Okay, but what about earning $100,000 or more?

Next, we zero in on the earners. Around 9.1% of U.S. men make $100,000 or more annually (U.S. Census Bureau, 2021). This group represents the financial go-getters who’ve climbed the economic ladder, but please remember, most women are attracted to their ambition. Not the money (Right?). But again, you’re missing out on so many other good men who don’t make as much. Is there a world where you’re okay with being the primary breadwinner? A worthy partner is defined by their virtues, not their income. I wish more women understood this. Financial status is fleeting; integrity and loyalty are timeless; know this and know peace.

What about men who go to the gym?

Approximately 15% of Americans have gym memberships (International Health, Racquet & Sportsclub Association, 2020), but only a portion of those go five days a week. Let’s estimate that 5% of men are this dedicated.

Men with Good Relationships with Friends and Family

We move on to relationships. It’s estimated that around 50% of men maintain strong bonds with their friends and family (Pew Research Center, 2015), a sign of emotional intelligence and stability. That’s a pretty good number, so let’s run with that. I think of all the wants, and this one is one of the most important. After all, true emotional intelligence is reflected in the strength of a man’s connections. I’ve often found that a person’s stability is rooted in the strength and depth of their personal bonds.

Are there a lot of well-traveled men?

About 11% of Americans have visited ten or more countries (U.S. Department of State, 2019). These men bring a wealth of experiences and a broadened worldview. But most Americans simply don’t travel as much, even if they like to pretend on social media like they do. For the 89% who haven’t ventured far, their idea of a cultural experience is ordering sushi with extra soy sauce.

How many men are actually college-educated?

Intelligence is key, right? Roughly 36% of American men have a bachelor’s degree or higher (National Center for Education Statistics, 2020), indicating a commitment to education and personal growth. This is great, but 36 percent still seems low to me. I think year after year, people in general start to see how much of a scam college is. Unless you’re a doctor, lawyer, or any other vocational professional. College is pointless. If I could turn back the hands of time, I wouldn’t even have gone tbh.

Early 30s

Focusing on age, men aged 30–34 make up about 6% of the U.S. male population (U.S. Census Bureau, 2020). These are the prime years for balancing career advancement and personal development. And usually, the sweet spot when a lot of men get married or engaged.

The Child-Free Choice: No Kids

Around 44% of men in their early 30s have no children (U.S. Census Bureau, 2018), offering the flexibility to build a future family together. But then there’s a whole 56% of men who do, and much like single mums, they’re being written off.

The Never-Married Men

Approximately 30% of men in this age group have never been married (U.S. Census Bureau, 2020), indicating they’re more likely to be seeking a serious relationship. So if you’re dating in your 30’s that leaves 30% of men who have never been married before. Not a lot of choice.

Are you starting to get the point I’m making?

Men who seek therapy

Mental health matters; at least, that’s what social media says. It’s the new corporate, social media, and mainstream media’s favorite new buzzword. “Mental health,” I feel like every day, some undereducated NPC is dropping a new podcast about mental health. If I had a dollar for every time someone with a social media degree gave me mental health advice, I’d be rich enough to afford real therapy. About 20% of American men have sought therapy (American Psychological Association, 2019), showing a willingness to work on themselves and their relationships. This is great! Good luck finding them, though.

Male Feminists Supporters of Gender Equality!

Feminism? Let’s estimate that 10% of men identify as feminists (Pew Research Center, 2016), supporting equal partnerships and progressive values. I honestly thought it would be more.

Liberal Voters

Political views can be a dealbreaker for a lot of people, to be honest. About 26% of American men identify as liberal voters (Gallup Poll, 2021), aligning with more progressive ideologies. But again, they are few and far between, which makes a lot of sense. I know a lot of couples in mixed political households.

Equal Partners?

A lot of women and men talk about egalitarian ideals, so we assume that men who identify as liberals are more likely to seek an equal partnership. Using the same 26% statistic seems reasonable here (Gallup Poll, 2021).

They are “grown-ass men” who have their own homes and cars.

Finally, we consider stability. Around 64% of men in their 30s own a home (U.S. Census Bureau, 2020), and 90% own a car (U.S. Department of Transportation, 2017). Let’s use the lower percentage to be conservative.

So what are the odds of you bagging your dream guy!?

Am I just a hellbent dickhead who wants to ruin your day and hurt your feelings, or am I trying to help you out?

Let’s combine these probabilities to estimate the chance of finding a man who meets all these criteria -

1. **Height (6' or taller)**: 14.5% or 0.145 (CDC, 2018)

2. **Income ($100,000 or more)**: 9.1% or 0.091 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2021)

3. **Gym 5 Days a Week**: 5% or 0.05 (IHRSA, 2020)

4. **Good Relationships**: 50% or 0.5 (Pew Research Center, 2015)

5. **Well-Traveled**: 11% or 0.11 (U.S. Department of State, 2019)

6. **College Educated**: 36% or 0.36 (NCES, 2020)

7. **Age (30–35)**: 6% or 0.06 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2020)

8. **No Kids**: 44% or 0.44 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2018)

9. **Never Married**: 30% or 0.30 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2020)

10. **Has Sought Therapy**: 20% or 0.20 (APA, 2019)

11. **Feminist**: 10% or 0.10 (Pew Research Center, 2016)

12. **Liberal Voter**: 26% or 0.26 (Gallup Poll, 2021)

13. **Equal Partner**: 26% or 0.26 (Gallup Poll, 2021)

14. **Owns House and Car**: 64% or 0.64 (U.S. Census Bureau, 2020; U.S. Department of Transportation, 2017)

Here’s how I’ll calculate the combined probability:

0.145×0.091×0.05×0.5×0.11×0.36×0.06×0.44×0.30×0.20×0.10×0.26×0.26×0.64

Step-by-step:

0.145 × 0.091= 0.013195

0.013195× 0.05 = 0.00065975

0.013195 × 0.05 = 0.00065975

0.00065975 × 0.5 = 0.000329875

0.00065975 × 0.5 = 0.000329875

0.000329875 × 0.11= 0.00003628625

0.000329875 × 0.11= 0.00003628625

0.00003628625 × 0.36 = 0.00001306305

0.00003628625 × 0.36 = 0.00001306305

0.00001306305 × 0.06 = 0.000000783783

0.00001306305 × 0.06 = 0.000000783783

0.000000783783 ×0.44 = 0.00000034486452

0.000000783783 × 0.44 = 0.00000034486452

0.00000034486452 × 0.30 = 0.000000103459356

0.00000034486452 × 0.30 = 0.000000103459356

0.000000103459356 × 0.20 = 0.0000000206918712

0.000000103459356 × 0.20 = 0.0000000206918712

0.0000000206918712 × 0.10 = 0.00000000206918712

0.0000000206918712 × 0.10 = 0.00000000206918712

0.00000000206918712 × 0.26 = 0.00000000053800861

0.00000000206918712 × 0.26 = 0.00000000053800861

0.00000000053800861 × 0.26 = 0.00000000013988224

0.00000000053800861 × 0.26 =0.00000000013988224

0.00000000013988224 × 0.64 = 0.00000000008952462

0.00000000013988224 × 0.64 = 0.00000000008952462

The Final Verdict — you’re either going to have to settle or be alone.

Converting the final probability to a percentage:

0.00000000008952462 × 100 = 0.000000008952462%

With the total male population in the U.S. at approximately 162 million (U.S. Census Bureau, 2020), the number of men meeting all your criteria would be:

162,000,000 × 0.00000000008952462 = 0.01449999

The Men that some of you want are incredibly rare.

I know this is true personally; once I lost weight, started making great money, got a car, and owned my own house, went to the gym 6 times a week, had no kids, and naturally was 6 foot 1. Hitting my 30s, everything changed. I realized there was a little more higher demand as opposed to when I was in my 20s.

Based on these calculations, women have a 0.000000008952462% chance of finding a man in the U.S. who fits all these criteria. This translates to roughly 15 men in the entire country who meet your ideal description. But don’t worry, finding such a perfect match is incredibly rare; don’t lose heart. Focus on the most crucial traits and allow some flexibility. The adventure of dating is about finding someone who complements you, even if they don’t tick every single box.

Honestly, finding and dating good people now is incredibly hard if you have very high expectations, cause most people simply don’t have what you want. Even if a 33-year-old woman only had a criterion of a someone-tallish man at 5’10, slightly overweight, has a job making 80k a year, has no kids, and has never been married, and is Christian. That still translates to just 169,297 men in the entire country who might fit your description. That’s not even including breaking up these men, state by state. On average, that would mean approximately 3,319 men meeting your criteria in each state. This gives a rough idea of how many potential matches you might expect to find in any given state. But remember, the actual distribution will vary significantly from state to state.

Do you get my point?

It’s not easy. You have a better chance of finding Bigfoot riding a unicorn through Central Park than finding a man who ticks all these boxes. But hey, don’t lose heart! Even if they don’t come with a checklist longer than a CVS receipt, good men are out there.