Dating Cheat Codes Don’t Exist

Should you pursue women on dating apps? Or should you try and meet IRL?

Jun 29, 2025

Some men swear to god and all the heavens that meeting in real life is the only way! There are men out here betting the house to prove Tinder is a temple and they’re the messiah of matches.

This has been an age-old discussion for the past 10 years since dating apps really started to blow up. Which is truly better!? There’s no cheat code. Just cold eyes, hard lessons, and the slow and painful death of deep-soaked delusion. Rejection wasn’t the villain. It was the Rocky 4 training montage I needed to find the best way to meet the best women.

The secret isn’t in what you say, it’s in whether your spirit can hold enough resilience and innovation through the worst parts of the journey. Then my friends, a stronger man emerges.

Trying to win women over is like trying to catch gale-force winds with a net you got from the dollar store. No magical potion, no enchanting spell, no clever text will win her heart. We’re living in the illusion of abundance. Apps give us infinite faces, but real-world charmers still win. Why? Because scarcity breeds value, and presence beats even the best profiles.

You heard me right.

And if I’m being honest, it pisses me off when fellas think otherwise.

There is no silver bullet. No, “One sentence will get her to like you.” No “one text you can send” will get her to change her mind. I hate those click bait titles that say that shit cause we know that women are and never will be a monolith.

Trust me when I say I have a sizeable financial hole in my pocket to prove how much I searched for that one “line.”

“So that’s it, Mav!?

There’s nothing you can do?”

Yes, there is absolutely nothing you can do to attract every single woman you possibly meet.

Anyone telling you otherwise is talking out of their bum flaps.

But here’s what you can do…

I had two sources of dating, dating apps (Tinder/Hinge/Bumble), and meeting women in real life. On the weekend, I would be out with my friends, whether at the bars, clubs, social events, parties, mixers, festivals, or anything with the opposite sex who were single; I’d always be in the market to approach a new woman and to be honest work on my social skills.

It was such a good learning experience. I developed an abundance of truly advanced social skills that have helped me to this day! It wasn’t just about getting better with women, it was about getting braver with truth. Fleshing out the best and worst parts of me.

I’ll never forget when I went to “Shred Fest 2018” in Utah.

The sun was crisp, burning the edge of autumn into the tips of the Wasatch. You could smell beer, sweat, pine, and the faint hum of distorted guitars leaking from a distant half-pipe stage, with some MC calling out the moves the snowboarder was making.

I remember walking on the right side of the dirt path that split the vendor stalls like a fault line. One side was hemp shirts, hard kombucha, and stickers of wolves doing ollies. The other was boards, belts, and other random snowboard “2xtreme” shit.

Then I saw her.

Leaning near a merch tent, pretending to care about a flannel that was two sizes too big. Black sunglasses. Crooked half-smile like she knew what men did when they got nervous.

Raised an eyebrow, tilted my head half-charm, half-dare. Liked I know something she doesn’t.

Me: Hello.

Her: Hi!

Me: “Wait… don’t tell me. We’ve met before, right?”

Her: That’s the best you’ve got, huh?

Me: No way, I feel like I’ve met you before.

Her: Sorry.

Me: No worries. Some people are just meant to meet twice. This time, I’ll make sure to leave an impression. (I put my hand out, shake hers, and introduce myself)

And that’s when I knew.

Holy shit, I got it down.

This wasn’t about pickup lines. Or clever openers. Or some calculated charisma hack.
It was about presence. Of course, I had never met her before. She knew it, and so did I. But that’s all a part of playing the dance of flirtation. The ability to say something with enough weight and warmth that someone pauses to feel it.

Flirtation is a duel of subtleties, and the one who can hold tension without blinking, wins. It’s about holding the moment just long enough to let her curiosity bloom.

So what’s the difference?

Meeting Women In Real Life

Pro’s

You harness better social cues — much quicker, as you have to be quick, or you’ll get buried out there in those social settings; remember, the best-looking women have been approached far more than ever, so they’ve heard most of it before. So you learn the hard way, but it’s the best way. Once, approached a group of tens and they flat out asked me how much I made. Like an idiot, I told them and they dismissed me. Brutal, but lesson learned.
Authentic connection- Meeting women in real life allows for genuine interaction and the ability to read body language, which is key for building trust and rapport. Studies have shown that nonverbal cues play a significant role in communication, with up to 93% of communication being nonverbal. Yes, it’s that serious. I love being able to read the room. Instant data!
Immediate feedback — In-person interactions provide real-time feedback, allowing you to adjust your approach and improve communication skills, trust me, the feedback is good or bad. You gotta have tough skin. I’ve straight up had women tell me to “f**K off”. I’ve literally just said, “hello.” This happened more than once!

Reduced competition — Compared to online dating, where women can be bombarded with messages and options, meeting women in real life means you are not competing against numerous other dudes, and having the confidence to approach her increases your chances of standing out. Cause most men ain't got the balls, every year the number of men approaching women reduces.
You learn what some women like to hear — and certain things most women don’t want to hear. This makes your failures and embarrassments your greatest tool for confidence and future vocal engagements. Slowly building stacks of confidence. Female pattern recognition is a huge skill to have.
You’re unique - What makes you different is doing the complete opposite of what most men do, and you learn that after A LOT of failed attempts and seeing other men act stupid. Experience will always be the greatest teacher. Nothing beats it. NOTHING. Most men don’t have it.
Real face-to-face interaction with women you think you are attracted to gives you a good taste of who you might connect with online and allows you to see who naturally gravitates toward you. You say you have a 'type', but it means nothing if your type isn’t into you. Real life reveals your actual league, not your fantasy draft.
Shared interest - Meeting women through activities or social groups increases the likelihood of shared interests and hobbies, which has been proven to be an essential factor in long-lasting relationships. I love writing and met a lot of women through writing groups via “Meet-Up.”
Galvanized confidence- Approaching and talking to women in real life helps build confidence, social skills, and assertiveness, but doing it consistently means your confidence is often at a peak state.
Enhanced attractiveness- A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that physical attractiveness is more accurately assessed in person than in photos, giving you a better chance of making a good impression. So you could go from a five online to a seven in real life.

Serendipity factor — Meeting women in real life adds an element of spontaneity and serendipity that can create memorable experiences and unique stories that can strengthen a budding relationship. I’m unsure, but I might have heard some women LOVE this.
Chemistry assessment - Physical chemistry is more easily evaluated in person, allowing both parties to determine if there’s potential for a romantic connection.

Cons

It’s a crap shoot. - Approaching a woman you find attractive is the biggest shot in the dark. Boundaries matter, and you must approach them with caution and respect.
Looks do matter: so even if you’re conventionally attractive, certain women have the luxury of having a niche type within a type within a type, and unless you fit that, you’re rejected.
Rejection sensitivity: Meeting women in real life can and WILL result in facing heavy rejection directly. As I said, they will not hold back, and a lot of people will often applaud them for verbally castrating you if you have rejection sensitivity, this will bury you. Studies have shown that rejection sensitivity is linked to lower self-esteem and increased anxiety.

Limited options: In-person interactions may offer fewer potential partners compared to online dating platforms, which can provide a wider range of choices and increase the likelihood of finding a compatible match. Dating in Paris, Ohio, is different than dating in Brooklyn, NYC. Ya feel me?
Time investment: Meeting women in real life can be a time suck. This is why I mixed my social time with opportunities to meet new people.
Your best approach: outfit, look, engagement, humor, and all the rest won’t change shit. Attraction can’t be forced.
Even if you’re nothing but a gentleman: it won’t stop a woman from being horrible, rude, and blunt with you. Sometimes some women project other douchebag’s bad behavior on you.
Social anxiety: For those with social anxiety, approaching and interacting with women in real life can be intimidating and challenging.
Missed opportunities: In real-life settings, it can be challenging to identify if someone is single or interested in dating. This can result in missed opportunities for connection due to the ambiguity of social cues. I have definitely tried to chat it up with women unbeknownst to me who have boyfriends; they were just friendly.
Impact of first impressions: First impressions carry significant weight in face-to-face interactions, and studies have shown that they are often formed within seconds. This can be a disadvantage if you struggle to make a strong first impression in person.
Other men: You know the type! The “leader of group” when a party of people that features men and women who occasionally will have the obligatory “cavemen” that try and make you look stupid. They claim to be protecting the women. But most of the time, they’re just doing performative alpha male BS.
Personal safety concerns: Some women are scared for life cause of some other wanker who just made them feel awful. Meeting strangers in real life can pose personal safety risks, particularly for women, and is a legitimate concern for most of them. This is vital when deciding where and how to meet potential partners. Please lead with respect above all else.
Difficulty initiating conversation: Approaching and initiating conversation with women in real life can be challenging for some, particularly if they lack confidence or experience in doing so. “It ain’t easy on these streets.”

Ultimately, it’s worth it for a crash course in interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex and meeting people to date instantly, and as a man, you need real-world experience. Most flirtatious interactions with a stranger are often expected to be initiated by men. Even with the highest signs of physical interest, there’s no real way of knowing if you’re their type or if you would even have anything in common until a conversation has taken place. Before that happens, there are so many barriers to entry, and they all come at a cost. It’s a necessary evil to put yourself out there, but it’s not sustainable in the long run.

Meeting Women on Dating Apps

Pros

If someone matches, you know they’re attracted to you. It’s up to you to figure out if you’re their type and vice versa, but you know they’re at least attracted to you.
You can see a glimpse of someone’s personality and who they’re trying to present themselves to be in front of the opposite sex.
You get to assess compatibility to some degree (job, age, likes, dislikes, friends, political affiliations, religion, intent)
More options (To some degree)
Better visibility (I would never meet anyone who lives 40+ miles away IRL)
More dates quicker
No approach anxiety
Easy escape route
No other human barrier to entry

Cons

Competition is very fierce.
The best-looking men in the state/city are on there
You need to learn the ins and outs of online dating.
There is a hierarchy, whether you like it or not.
You must have thick skin.
Women have significantly more advantages online than you ever will, and it’s not even close.
To have the best experience, you must pay to play.
If you’re considered conventionally unattractive, you’ll have to work ten times harder than everyone else on there.
What have I learned from doing both of these activities to meet and date women?

In-person dating requires slightly more time, but delivers significantly more emotional connection and actual dates per effort.
Online dating is lower-effort on the surface, but has diminishing returns in depth and outcomes.
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You can’t win with women, fellas! What do I mean exactly?

“Romantic compatibility is less about perfect lines and more about perfect timing.” – Dr. Helen Fisher, Biological Anthropologist

I mean, despite all my best efforts, charisma, body language, humor, and looks maxing.

Every woman is and will be different.

I’ll give you a few examples.

I tried a line with 20 different women in the space of 4 weeks.

I’d locked eye contact with someone in a bar, walked over, and said,

“This is so embarrassing I was going to wear the same thing….”

Yes, it’s corny, cheesy, and cringe. But that’s precisely why I wanted to test it out.

Results:

Some women laughed
Some women looked at me with disgust and ignored me
Some women told me how lame the effort was
Someone said it was weird.
One of the ladies’ male friends told me “to get fu**ed.
Some ladies hated it but found it endearing.
The women who laughed and the women who found it endearing, I got their numbers and went out on a date or two, and one of them was together with me for a year.

Why?

Cause we shared similar humor, we didn’t care for social norms or airs and graces, and some of them just liked me.

That’s really all there was to it.

Which is why you can’t win with women. Cause not all women will like you. What one woman finds incredibly attractive, the other abhors and can’t stand it. What one woman finds creepy, another finds so sexy. There’s never an in-between. The pursuit of universal sex appeal is a Sisyphean task; you must embrace your unique attributes and recognize that they will attract some women and repel others; such is the nature of humanity. Just as a rose is a weed to some and beauty to others, our traits and behaviors are subject to the interpretations and preferences of those around us; finding peace with this fact is a cornerstone of self-acceptance.

Meeting women in real life is like trying to put together IKEA furniture without instructions; you’re confident at first, but eventually, you’re left with a bunch of confusing pieces, and you’re just hoping you don’t screw it up too badly.

That’s fine! Just like with IKEA furniture, practice makes perfect. Meeting women in real life is a learning experience, and each interaction helps you develop better communication skills and understand how to approach and connect with people. Embrace the challenges and learn from your mistakes, and you’ll eventually become more adept at navigating the complex world of dating and relationships.

What’s the solution, then?

Be the best version of yourself and own every piece of your character. The person who is supposed to be with you will like who you are if you’re a person who is a constant work in progress, just like the rest of us, and you acknowledge and focus on inner and outer growth. You’ll find her. The path to your heart’s truest desire is paved with the stones of self-awareness, humility, and growth; walk this path with integrity, and you shall arrive at a destination of genuine love and mutual respect.

I promise this.

When you embrace and nurture your true self, you radiate confidence, authenticity, and charisma. When you commit to being the best version of yourself and strive for personal growth, you become more attractive and appealing to those who share similar values and interests.

But it will NEVER be with a learned opener from a dating expert or a single silver bullet dating technique.

It will be from you showing the raw, unabashed beautiful mess of a person you are.

So yes, you can’t win with women. But you were never supposed to.

Women are not prizes to be won. But incredible human beings who want the exact same thing you do.

To be loved.

See them for the wonderful people they are, and learn to love, admire and appreciate the greatness of a good woman!

To win with women isn’t the goal; to resonate, connect, and grow together is. In the end, the love we seek is not a prize but a partnership.

Remember this and embrace it.

Embrace you.

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” — Oscar Wilde.

I would wish you luck, but I know you don’t need it!

Mav’s Weekly Challenge

Spend one weekend ONLY meeting people offline. No apps.

Bars, events, the grocery line, log your interactions on your note app. Reflect on the body language you noticed vs online dating.

Now take it further, pick your top 3 moments from the weekend, and dissect them. What worked? What didn't? Where did you hesitate? Where did you shine?

Bonus points if you spark a connection, but even if you don’t, you’ve done more living in 48 hours than most guys do in a month of swiping.

The real world doesn’t glitch, buffer, or ghost you. It responds. Adapt accordingly.