The few male divorce clients I’ve kept in touch with post-divorce do joke around that they don’t pay for shit and aren’t getting married again. They’re happy, though. Definitely wish younger guys understood the same way raping a woman isn’t going to validate you being WANTED as a man, neither is bribing a woman with your wallet going to validate that YOU are WANTED as a man. I promise you, my divorce clients who are women are NOT crying about the 5’8” guy who paid for everything who “broke her heart.” They’re devastated over the 6’4” personal trainer who borrowed her car, lived at her place rent free, and she paid for when they went out on dates (or vacations) … simply because he’s not with her anymore. If she doesn’t WANT you, what are you doing with your money? Save all those life moments you’re about to purchase for the woman who actually WANTS YOU (not the one who won’t appreciate you or remember you in 3 months from now).
I actually had a convo with a Rabbi the other day. That was his borrowed metaphor. He’s like, “we spend so much time talking about women and then not ruining themselves for their husbands … but what about husbands not ruining themselves for their wives? Every time you spend time and money on a woman who is not going to be your wife, who is not going to build together with you, what are you doing? Is it not the same as ruining yourself for your future wife and your children? That’s less money for a home, less experiences with the women who does love you, less experiences with your children, less opportunities for your children. And for what? To feel like someone hot maybe liked you for 2-3 days? How is that any different than the party girl? It’s worse.”
Was flopping around in the cesspool aka dating pool I found my 43 yo single mom self in to make matters further complicated I have an isolating occupation. I paid as much as I could, very few dates seemed a proper fit. Last guy found in a bar setting, & was known by a few of my associates failed unbeknownst to me.
Finally, just recently thru patience & working on myself a former co-worker came back into my circle. We are moving at rapid pace & he feels like home💕 hang in there it’s all gonna work out by the work u put in loves.
Thank you for this article. Well put a very well-written. I’ve been shouting this from the rooftops for a while now. Younger men are often complaining to me lately that women need them to pay for things, or everything, and it horrifies me. It would never have occurred to me in my 20s or in my thirties to have made or even asked a man to pay for a meal or a cab or whatever. You pay your way and you make your own way. I still struggle like everyone else to find a man who is available, sensitive and willing to open up. But you take responsibility for yourself and your actions and you keep trying. Thank you.
The few male divorce clients I’ve kept in touch with post-divorce do joke around that they don’t pay for shit and aren’t getting married again. They’re happy, though. Definitely wish younger guys understood the same way raping a woman isn’t going to validate you being WANTED as a man, neither is bribing a woman with your wallet going to validate that YOU are WANTED as a man. I promise you, my divorce clients who are women are NOT crying about the 5’8” guy who paid for everything who “broke her heart.” They’re devastated over the 6’4” personal trainer who borrowed her car, lived at her place rent free, and she paid for when they went out on dates (or vacations) … simply because he’s not with her anymore. If she doesn’t WANT you, what are you doing with your money? Save all those life moments you’re about to purchase for the woman who actually WANTS YOU (not the one who won’t appreciate you or remember you in 3 months from now).
Well said! I like that you have so many stories too to support what you’re saying. I bet you learn so much about men and women.
I actually had a convo with a Rabbi the other day. That was his borrowed metaphor. He’s like, “we spend so much time talking about women and then not ruining themselves for their husbands … but what about husbands not ruining themselves for their wives? Every time you spend time and money on a woman who is not going to be your wife, who is not going to build together with you, what are you doing? Is it not the same as ruining yourself for your future wife and your children? That’s less money for a home, less experiences with the women who does love you, less experiences with your children, less opportunities for your children. And for what? To feel like someone hot maybe liked you for 2-3 days? How is that any different than the party girl? It’s worse.”
Amazing. Sharing this now!
Teachers and nurses love broke men. Military vets spend a lot on plastic surgery.
Was flopping around in the cesspool aka dating pool I found my 43 yo single mom self in to make matters further complicated I have an isolating occupation. I paid as much as I could, very few dates seemed a proper fit. Last guy found in a bar setting, & was known by a few of my associates failed unbeknownst to me.
Finally, just recently thru patience & working on myself a former co-worker came back into my circle. We are moving at rapid pace & he feels like home💕 hang in there it’s all gonna work out by the work u put in loves.
Very happy for you!
Oh wow, they’re not paying the bills anymore? We’re making small progress but it’s a start.
Thank you for this article. Well put a very well-written. I’ve been shouting this from the rooftops for a while now. Younger men are often complaining to me lately that women need them to pay for things, or everything, and it horrifies me. It would never have occurred to me in my 20s or in my thirties to have made or even asked a man to pay for a meal or a cab or whatever. You pay your way and you make your own way. I still struggle like everyone else to find a man who is available, sensitive and willing to open up. But you take responsibility for yourself and your actions and you keep trying. Thank you.
Equality.